I have listened to 1000s of stories about trauma and addiction over the past 25 years. I believe we are treating problems in the wrong order. Yes, you need to get clean and sober before you can address your trauma; however, we have a tendency to blame the addiction for the behavior. The addiction begins as way to soothe the nervous system from the trauma.
So, we pay $1000s of dollars and spend months in rehabs only to find ourselves in the same mindset when we get out, because there was nothing done in rehab to address the elephant in the room.
One of my clients recently was telling me about how the ex had done yet another bad thing that made her feel horrible for the 1000th time. I asked her:
“Is this story making you feel better or keeping you stuck?”
Hmm… how many of us have one of those stories?
Last week I realized how many narratives revolve around the story of being the victim.
Well guess what! No one likes feeling like a victim, so as a way to avoid feeling weak or disempowered, we turn to an addiction De jour.
Meaning we will do anything to avoid feeling the pain, so we turn to food, alcohol, drugs, vaping, purging, Netflix, scrolling our phone, etc… You get the idea.
Then we continue to tell the story. Our lives become that story, and we re-create it so many ways.
My job is to listen for the parallels and find the connecting dots. I am simply amazed everyday at the capacity the human mind has to recreate the narrative and subconsciously keep us stuck on a hamster wheel.
So this past week, I focused on telling a new story with every single one of my clients. I listened to all of the stories and then helped each client to retell it with a new plot and a new outcome.
WOW! It made all the difference.
I used my own life as an example. When Noah was 4 yrs old I was in my last semester of grad school. I literally had $2.37 in my checking account.
I was a single mom in grad school with 2 internships just trying to finish, so I could finally get a real job.
I turned in my last paper and Noah wanted to go to Chucky Cheese with his friend.
Clearly I did not have the money to take him to CC; however, I did not tell him that story…
I told the story that would become our lives.
I told him we were so rich we needed to go home and create a special meal to celebrate our success of completing all our homework for grad school.
(I often told him he was helping me with my homework, so he would play in his playroom while I wrote my term papers and studied.) Anyhoo I digress…
I continued to tell him how rich we were everyday.
- We had a cute little 2 BR/1BA home that was warm and cozy.
- We had plenty of food, and we were surrounded by our family and community who loved us very much.
- I focused on how much we had to be grateful for.
All of this was true.
The other story was the balance of my checking account and how I budgeted every single penny just to make ends meet. I could have focused on how broke we were, but what would that do?
It would only keep us in that mindset. Instead, I focused on how rich we were.
You get to define what rich means to you!
Guess what? It worked.
- I found work that fed my soul and paid the bills.
- Eventually, I found the love of my life and married.
- I got another job that paid more than I ever imagined making.
- Noah truly believed we were rich his entire life. He never knew the other story.
I could have focused on my trauma of the failed marriage, the fact that I was not receiving child support, and how hard it was being a single mom in grad school.
I could have continued the narrative of being a victim.
I chose to tell a new story.
I was “Living in Vision not in Circumstance!”
This is the quintessential definition of resilience. The Oxford dictionary says resilience is “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” It is the ability to move through and grow from difficult times.
Not to say that all traumas are equal. THEY ARE NOT!
However, there is a formula to healing and recreating a life that is meaningful.
💡 The first step is to shine a light on the shadow of the story. This is not easy to do on your own. We need help to recognize our blindspots.
Are you ready to tell a new story?
I have a new Monday Mindset ReSet starting tomorrow at:
🕛 12:00 PST | 🕒 3:00 EST | 🕑 2:00 CST
🌟 It is FREE to anyone in my community! 🌟
I am focusing on how to tell a new story! If you want to rewire your subconscious program, join me every Monday on my Zoom link. (password: yoga)
⏳ It will last 20-30 min to get you ready to shine your light.
I am also really working on my IG/social media, so you can follow me for:
✔️ Daily quotes
✔️ Healing tips
✔️ Insights on trauma recovery and transformation
📚 My new book is coming out soon! I cannot tell you how excited I am to walk on this journey with you.
Keep showing up and shining your light!
Namaste,
jen
P.S. If you are ready to do a deeper dive into healing your trauma and doing your work, book a free consultation today.